My Weblog

STANFORD UNIVERSITY | Movie Review of the Week

Aristotelian structure... nonexistant!

Review straight-to-DVD klassic Dorm Daze 2 from The Stanford Daily:

The comedic high water mark is set in the first 20 minutes when three students perform a “post modern” play called Womanizing Objects. “Hello man, I am a vagina. These are my breasts, these are my bosoms, those are her cans. Bouncy, bouncy!” All the while, everyone in the audience is just there for the tits. Huh. Go figure. More entertaining bits of the movie come from the cyclic drama constructed around a giddy desire for money that is shared by virtually all the characters. Somehow a honking diamond shows up on board, only to be confused with the diamond in a student play. A monkey named ChooChoo, who was supposed to be ground up into drugs is running around, switching everyone’s guns, poisons, and potent hallucinogens. Then someone actually dies, but no one really seems to care. He was an asshole anyways.

FULL REVIEW

I'd still rather watch this than RV...

TULANE UNIVERSITY | Childhood memories, vomited on...

From the Tulane Hullabaloo:

Times are a little harder for the store along with its adjacent adult counterpart. Amazon and Borders have taken their share, as have X-Boxes and Nintendos. Harry Potter is actually single-handedly keeping the store afloat. But it remains a great spot where kids are kids, or cowboys, or princesses, or whatever they want to be. It really is one of those places that are only supposed to exist today in period pieces or Disney sitcoms. I'm sure you've seen it. You might've even walked in.

You might have vomited on it.

FULL STORY

U. of MICHIGAN | Catch an illegal immigrant day

From MSU'S State News: Events allegedly planned to recruit students to the Republican Party at the University of Michigan have both Republicans and Democrats across the nation stunned.

Morgan Wilkins, an independent contractor hired by the College Republican National Committee to recruit students to the party, was described as planning events such as "Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day" and "Fun with Guns Day," in an article written Tuesday by The Michigan Daily.

"Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day" would involve volunteers posing as illegal immigrants and hiding on campus while students try to find them for prizes. For the "Fun with Guns" activity, students would shoot cardboard cutouts of Democratic leaders with BB or paintball guns.

FULL STORY

Read the original piece from the Michigan Daily here...

BRIGHAM YOUTH U. | POLICE LOG

I wouldn't have been an idea BYU candidate due to my love of above-the-knee skirtage, pre-marital gropage, and confusion to the exact tenets of Mormonism.

But while other schools are installing metal detectors and battling Charles Whitman like shooters, BYU, looks pretty quiet... eerily quiet...

From the BYUNewsNet

Aug. 25. A boy entered the creamery bathroom with two bags of peanut butter M&M's. An employee noticed the boy did not leave the bathroom with the peanut butter M&M's and attempted to apprehend the boy. He fled before he could be detained.

MORE

U. of WISCONSON, MADISON | Interview with Pete Doherty, shit comparison spot-on

Enjoy Daily Badger journo Alec Luhn's part II of three-part interview with pasty-faced, Kate Moss-banger Pete Doherty of the Babyshambles.

If you think you need to read Part I to enjoy this piece, I say this.  Do you need to see Evil Dead to enjoy Evil Dead II? 

Think about it...

A possible comparison is the Italian artist Piero Manzoni, who took a shit in a can (in fact he took 90 shits in 90 cans for his 1961 “merda d’artista” series) and called it art. One of his shit-tins was eventually bought by the Tate in 2002 for $61,000. When listening to the loose, barely-finished songs on Babyshambles’ debut, which can sound like a band of tweens trying to play a pop hit they once heard on the radio, it’s easy to wonder if Doherty didn’t essentially take a shit in a can in a recording studio. But this, of course, is part of the appeal: Depending on your perspective, Doherty’s shit-in-a-can may be great art.

FULL STORY

U. of NORTHERN COLORADO | The day Rudy went bad

This is just like when Elizabeth Berkeley pushes Gina Gershon down the stairs in Showgirls!  Or more aptly, Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding...

From the Greeley Trib: In a bizarre string of events, the University of Northern Colorado's reserve punter lost any chance to kick on the field this year after an attack on the team's first-stringer.

Mitch Cozad faces charges of second-degree assault after being arrested by the Evans Police Department on Tuesday night on accusations that he stabbed Rafael Mendoza in his kicking leg on Monday night.

FULL STORY

HARVARD COLLEGE | Harder, faster, thicker, narrower

Harvard students can now have more vigorous sex but risk falling off the bed...

From the Harvard Crimson: Sex at Harvard was already a narrow window of opportunity, and for many Currier House residents that window just got a little bit narrower.

Some Currier residents returned to learn that their new Harvard-issued mattresses were thicker but also narrower.

According to measurements performed by The Crimson, the mattresses are 33.5 inches wide compared to the more typical Harvard mattress which is 35 inches wide. They’re also 2.5 inches deeper. 

FULL STORY

U. of CONNECTICUT: Starving Jesus tour not to be confused with Jesus Lizard tour

More religious show-boatery from J.R. Mahon, founder of the "too-hot-for-WWJD" group XXXChurch.

From today's Daily Campus:

J.R. Mahon has been chained to a pew for the past month without ever nibbling on a breadcrumb.

The pastor of the Christian anti-pornography organization XXXChurch.com, who also brought National Porn Sunday to UConn last fall, stopped at St. Paul's Collegiate Church at Storrs on Sunday as part of the Starving Jesus Tour. The day marked the 36th of the 40-day trip touring 40 different cities nationwide.

FULL STORY

So these guys are watching alllllll this porn and not getting off?  I dunno...

U of NEW HAMPSHIRE | The smutty professor?

Well-liked professor arrested for soliciting a minor online...

From today's edition of The New Hampshire: UNH engineering professor David Watt was one of seven men arrested recently on charges of soliciting sex online from minors.

Watt, 49, of Durham was arrested on September 1, in Hollis when he showed up for a pre-arranged meeting after engaging in conversations with multiple undercover investigators posing as minors online, police said.

FULL STORY

GEORGIA TECH | Sit on my girlfriend's Facebook

Have we all heard the legend of the already porny-named college student Brody Ruckus?

This intrepid college student bet his girlfriend that if he created a Facebook group with over 100,000 members, she would have a threesome with him.

And since America loves a feely-good cause, Ruckus is getting his wish. The girlfriend will have the threesome and will post the pics online.

But who will the lucky sandwich filling be?

Video here

Thanks Mark!

And speaking of Threesome, do check out Radar's ridonk interview with the "saved" Baldwin.  Gurarenteed to make you laugh and then give yourself an acid colonic.

U. of NEW MEXICO | College student sentenced to hell for bad grammar

What would Jesus do?  He'd buy a Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

From The Daily Lobo:

COLUMN: American's ignore Jesus' words

We are all hypocrites, every last one of us. Every person in every country of the world has been guilty of not following his or her word. This is human nature -- nothing more and nothing less. more...

UMN Campus note: It's also Pagan awareness week!

SACRAMENTO STATE U. | I'll take a Vinylmeister's Sister's Cumsundae

Maybe its just me, but outsourcing dining services just got a little grosser...

Leatherby's.  Family.  Creamery. 

I think I'm going to be seeeeeck...

U. of VIRGINIA | LETTER OF THE WEEK

From The Cavalier Daily:

I was recently made aware of the comic controversy mess that The Cavalier Daily has gotten itself into. While the Aug. 23 and 24 cartoons depicting a Cartesian crucifixion and a sexually transmitted diseased nativity scene are indeed tasteless and crass, this genre and grade of publication material is common in and appropriate for college newspapers such as The Cavalier Daily.

Double standards, gay birds, more here...

BRANDEIS UNIVERSITY | Welcome back, Masturbater!

Hello class. Welcome back.  How was your summer?  Oh mine?  Well, thank you for asking!  I spent the summer digging up an 18th century carriage house in New Hamp... Oh, you're not listening. Sigh.

Could we just settle down? Please put your cell phones away.  Now your BlackBerries.  What the hell do you need BlackBerries for, you're college sophomores.  Listen, you and your parents are paying good money for you to listen to my lecture on the architecture of canvas tents during the Great Awakening.

Oh fuck it. 

Here's a scintillating tale from my alma mater.  It's right up your alley, you dirty-minded slackers...

****************************
For at least the third time since last fall, Waltham and Brandeis police have failed to catch a man allegedly seen masturbating by the tennis courts.

Michael Vulfovich '07, who plays for the men's varsity tennis team, said he saw a man two weeks ago sitting on the staircase behind the tennis courts masturbating. Vulfovich was preparing to give a tennis lesson to a young boy who is a friend of his family's.

"I was just like, 'that guy is definitely sitting there and jacking off,'" Vulfovich said, adding that luckily the boy hadn't arrived yet.

ENJOY!

KOLLEGE DAILY | School is still out for the summer

We will be back soon, do not fear.  Back with wristwatch tan lines and stories of how frikkin' awesome it was to be a summer intern at Payne Webber (but most likely, how we got fired from Arby's for throwing up in the Fry-o-Later.)

Meanwhile, stare at this picture until we return in a few weeks.  Feel drunk yet? 

Keep staring. 

That's right. 

Keep staring.