The 78th Academy Awards ceremony was not as painful as I anticipated last night, though the pre-show coverage was pretty awful. None of the networks really seemed to focus on any of the actresses, and when they did interview them, they didn’t ask who they were wearing! Don’t these fuckers know that’s the reason we suffer through all their bullshit? What? Do they honestly think we watch for Ryan Seacrest’s witty repartee with that Giuliana DePandi chick? Anyway, I guess we should all just be relieved that clown, Isaac Mizrahi, didn’t molest anyone on the red carpet this time. Click here for some pics.
Michelle Williams – Who would have thought this Dawson’s Creek alum would become such a hot, little, red carpet stunner? She was by far my favorite in her burnt yellow Vera Wang dress with plunging, ruffled neckline and 1940’s-like hair and jewelry. I love that she isn’t afraid to wear color to events and always looks great doing so.
Felicity Huffman – Wow, she cleans up nice, doesn’t she? The tranny-playing actress looked great in a black Zac Posen with deep “v” décolletage and sheer, black under-netting. Her hair and jewelry were clean and simple.
Salma Hayek – It’s hard for this woman to not look hot, and she was muy caliente in her turquoise, one-shoulder, pleated Versace. Her hair was loose, flowing and very sexy.
Sandra Bullock – Miss Congeniality looked prize-worthy in a navy, strapless Angel Sanchez. Her hair was swept up and her jewels were minimal. Her favorite detail to her ensemble was the hip pockets on her dress. Mine was her date - Keanu, dude!
Rachel Weisz – The baby-momma looked great in a black, Narciso Rodriguez empire waist dress that nicely accommodated her very pregnant belly. Her hair was easily pulled back and she wore Chopard diamond drop earrings.
Meryl Streep – Meryl looked great in an age-appropriate, plum dress with a deep v-neckline and three-quarter sleeves. This was such a better look for her than some of the frumpy, dowdy outfits she’s been seen in so often.
Jessica Alba – Looked great in the gold, Versace halter dress, but her hair was too stiff and matronly.
Kiera Knightley – Someone needs to tell this girl to have a good look at her body on the cover of the March Vanity Fair. Hmmm, Kiera, do you notice that you’re missing something? Something like, boobs! Chesty LaRue you are not, and strapless dresses are not your friend. Even though this dress has one shoulder strap, you still don’t have the boobage to fill it out properly. And the fishtail is just so wrong. Oh, and the bow in your ponytail is so Sunday school marm. I did love the plum color of her Vera Wang dress and her 1960’s Bulgari necklace though.
Nicole Kidman – The usual champion of the red carpet sort of looked like a sad ghost of her glamorous past. The ivory, embroidered, strapless Balenciaga column she wore was bland and her face is so tight and her hair so fried, she kind of looked like a burn victim. Sorry, Nic.
Speaking of Nic, Nicole Jr., aka Naomi Watts, and Uma Thurman both chose nude colors that totally washed them out. Naomi’s was a one shoulder Givenchy number with deconstructed detailing while Uma’s was a cap-sleeved Versace. Both dresses may have been more flattering in different hues.
Charlize Theron – Charlize chose to wear Galliano again, but this time it was a forest green number with a ginormous bow on her left shoulder. The green of her dress and the orange of her skin just wasn’t a good combination. Her old lady hairdo didn’t help matters either. Will someone send her orange ass to rehab for her bronzer habit already?!?!
Frances McDormand – Someone really should have told her that the ceremony was going to be televised before millions of people. Then maybe she would have taken the time to pop in her contact lenses, do something with that long, stringy, hippie hair and put on something other than her husband’s old dinner jacket. Oh, and maybe she even would have wiped that dour expression off her face too.
Helena Bonham Carter – The ABSOLUTE worst dressed of the night. The blue 80’s prom dress and the cream colored shoes were pretty bad, but the big, crazy bouffant hair? I mean, I know Tim Burton ain’t no prize himself, but why did he give up the beautiful and stylish Lisa Marie for this trainwreck?