Whores

TOM FORD | STILL A TOOL

As all you hot asses out there know, August is typically a slow month for fashion. It's the calm before the storm of all the fall runway madness. Another constant in the fashion world - Tom Ford is still a sleazy, arrogant ass. I hate spending the few minutes to type out this tirade, but seriously, get a load of Ford's upcoming ad campaign (right) for his new fragrance, Tom Ford for Men. I know I'm just falling victim to his gimmicky, "oh-so-controversial," misogynistic schtick, but I couldn't let this one slide by. Will someone please finally tell this tasteless fucker to get over himself and get a new marketing strategy?

Yes, Tom, sex does sell, but not when it's so blatantly crass, anti-female, and attention-starved as this. There is nothing sexy nor sensual about this ad (shot by never-not-nude photog, Terry Richardson). It's just another one of Ford's pathetic attempts to try to shock. An even tackier photo from the campaign shows "the Tom Ford for Men bottle wedged between a woman's glistening thighs, with the bottle barely covering her bare genitalia." Ugh! When Ford claimed to be seeking a film career out in Hollywood after mercifully leaving YSL a few years back, he really should have considered porn. He would have become the king (or queen) of San Fernando Valley! But in terms of fashion and advertising, his flesh peddling is just so stupid and boring. Not to mention, what man who buys Tom Ford for Men is even going to look at the naked chick??? Read more at WWD.com.

THE SIMPSONS DO PARIS

The marketing/pr team handling The Simpsons movie is working some serious overtime (almost as much as Posh and Beck's people!).  Not only did they have a contest to select which city of Springfield would host the premiere of the movie (Vermont won the honour), and provide the ultimate time-waster - "Create Your Own Simpsons" character on simpsonsmovie.com (I've made every coworker in my office into a Springfieldian!), they also got the spazzes at Bazaar on board the hype-machine for a hilarious spread. 

Julius Preite illustrated the Simpson family experiencing Paris Fashion Week accompanied by an animated Linda Evangelista.  The spread features the family in terrific scenes like Marge and Linda decked out in Versace alongside Donatella; Marge and Linda modelling Chanel couture for Karl Lagerfeld and Homer dressed like Karl (above); little, preachy, self-righteous Lisa trying on Lanvin whilst Alber Elbaz inspects her plastic, white pearls; a hilarious pic of Marge's sisters, Patty and Selma, wearing Viktor & Rolf's "scaffolding" dresses; Linda and Marge walking arm in arm with Jean Paul Gaultier whilst toting wee Maggie in a Birkin bag; and finally the family sitting in the front row as Marc Jacobs takes his bow at a Louis Vuitton show.  Brilliant!  Fashionista scanned all the pages from the August issue.  See here.

PILLAGING AND BOOZING | THAT'S SO JANE!

Unless you've been living under a rock with no WiFi access for the past 32 hours, you've no doubt heard that Conde Nasty folded Jane yesterday. While I've never been a fan of Jane or it's previous incarnation, Sassy (they were both so desperate to be cool and edgy - and were neither), I do feel badly for all the employees who are now unemployed. Being so totally "Jane," the staffers left Conde Nast in style.

After being told in a two hour meeting that the magazine was no more, everybody bolted from the conference room and went racing down the halls to raid the fashion closets. Eventually a security guard had to be posted by the closets to prevent further pilfering. More here. After leaving the office for the last time with their ill-gotten goods, the crew met up at East Village dive bar, Lakeside Lounge, to drink their woes away and presumably have the biggest bitch fest ever! Read here. Can't say I blame them.

Jane's founder,Jane Pratt, had this to say about the demise of the mag...

"It's an interesting and sad day. The general idea of me leaving and bringing a fresh team in was simply not executed successfully. I would have loved to have stayed on and helped select a new staff that could further the basic vision of the magazine... Creating Jane was fantastic, and I had a magical team of people with me... We even had fun at 3 a.m. eating takeout and writing cover lines! You can see what happens when I leave."

Cunty arrogance - that's so Jane! See here (scroll down).

AD-ISON AVENUE

-Burberry has dropped long-time postergal, Kate Moss, for its upcoming ad campaign in favor of models Agyness Deyn, Lily Donaldson, Kiera Gormley, Morwenna Lytton Cobbold, Georgia Frost, Finnian Smith and Rob Hughes.  Joining the pretty faces will be band boys from The Paddingtons, The View, and singers Patrick Wolf and Edward Larrikin.  The ads were shot by Mario Testino.  Read more here.

-Pringle of Scotlands' new campaign was snapped by Steven Meisel and stars "new faces" Denisa, Kasia and Irinia.  According to Pringle's Creative Director, Claire Waight Keller, "The Pringle girl has attitude, an independent spirit and a quiet sexiness with a hidden, wild side."  That's a looong way from the original, proper, buttoned up, cashmere sweater Pringle girl of yester-year.  More here.

-And Gucci's Frida Giannini has lined up wack-ass director, David Lynch, to "direct the advertising for the new women's fragrance, which is called Gucci..."  While I'm sure the ads will be visually stunning, in Lynch's hands, they will undoubtedly be freakishly surreal and make absolutely no fucking sense!  Read more here.

NYT THURSDAY STYLES | THE CRITICAL SHOPPER HAS ISH!

Oh, poor Mike Albo, the author of today's Times' Critical Shopper piece.  Albo is obviously using his review of the Williamsburg, Moss-like, home design shop The Future Perfect, to work out some relationship issues. 

He starts with stating that the cool but pricey store makes his "heart hurt" not only because of the high price points, but because he "once dated a guy with this [store's] aesthetic."  He later hints at the ex's persona by describing a typical shopper at The Future Perfect as being "a magnetic guy who listens to Blonde Redhead, has a really good art-director job and a neck tattoo and doesn't call you back."

When describing the store's proprietor, David Alhadeff, Albo says, "Unlike some people I know, Mr. Alhadeff is very devoted..."  Later he writes that someone with deep pockets who can actually afford to furnish his home with the store's inventory "can have a beautiful innovative space in which to lounge and ignore the 50 e-mail messages they received from someone they were pseudo-dating."  Geez!  Bitter much, Mike? 

Buck up, Albo boy!  You're not alone.  I know exactly how you feel.  It totally sucks being the jilted lover, but the Critical Shopper space isn't the right platform for you to air your grievances.  That's what blogs are for, guy!  Bitch about it all you want on your blog and then put a flaming bag of poop outside  the "boyfriend's" door and let him ruin his immaculate, Art Director's Converse by Junya Watanabe trainers!  The inconsiderate bastard!  Do it and then go home and cry yourself to sleep whilst listening to Blonde Redhead's Misery is a Butterfly on repeat.  You'll feel so much better in the morning.  Seriously...  Read article here.

TWEEMO | ME-MO?

Apparently there's a new name out there for people like me that does not involve parts of the anatomy, bodily functions, or barnyard animals - but is just as embarrassing.  That word is, "tweemo."

According to newly resurrected Radar Magazine's piece, Meet the Tweemos, "tweemo" is a term created by amalgamating "twee" ("all that is precious and innocent") and "emo" ("the lovelorn brand of angst available at a mall near you") giving birth to an annoying hybrid of tea-sipping, NPR-listening, bookish hipsters. 

Embarrassingly, I giggled while reading the article, recognizing many of the tweemo traits listed.  Then gasping, I came upon the horrible realization that I, MYSELF, am a tweemo and a spot-on target for the article's mockery! 

They had me pegged from the fashion choices (ballet flats, t-strap mary janes, polkadot dress, high-waters, Fred Perry, Duncan Quinn accessories, Paul Smith specs), the music (The Smiths, Belle & Sebastian, Nico), the books (Franny and Zooey, The Little Prince, Tintin, McSweeney's), the movies (Wes Anderson - though mercifully, I am not a fan of Whit Stillman nor Noah Baumbach who are also mentioned)... down to the damn haircut and beret!  I just wanted to punch myself in the face - but that wouldn't have been very tweemo of me, would it?

Check out the new issue of Radar or click on the jpegs at the right to see if you are a tweemo twat too. 

MOLTO STEFANO! | DOLCE & GABBANA STRIKE A POSE

-The February issue of W gives us an eyeful of Stefano Gabbana (right)!  The issue features a 20-page pictorial shot by Steven Klein inspired by the "Italian decadence of Fellini intertwined with references to Pasolini, Helmut Newton, and Visconti."  The idea behind the shoot was not just to show off the designers' Italian Stallion bods (particularly Gabbana's, who's a boxer - who knew?!) , but to "unveil... their fantasies, fears, transgressions, and dreams - in essence, to show the world what it means to be Dolce, by balancing erotic tension and sexy glamour."  Read more here and here.  Poor Dolce...

WARHOL'S DEVIL SPAWN? | NY MAG PROFILES HIPSTER ARTISTS

The current issue of New York offers a loooong feature on "rebel," "downtown" artists Dash Snow, Ryan McGinley and Dan Colen.

The article's writer, Ariel Levy, suggests, "If you were going to hate these guys, here’s how you would do it: You could hate them for using the word artist so frequently and so shamelessly. Or you could hate Snow for coming from money—mountains of it!—and being a cop-taunting, Saddam Hussein–fetishizing petty criminal. If you are an aging punk, you could hate Snow in particular for going over old ground and thinking it’s something new. (Iggy Pop puked on his audiences a long time ago.) Or you could hate all three of them for being so enamored with penises and what comes out of them. How much talent does it really take to come on the New York Post, anyway?"  Oh, really?  These would be the ONLY ways to hate these guys?  Really?

But the bond between Snow, McGinley and Colen is so much more than just cocks, jizz and drugs.  Take this deep statement from Colen:  “Dash started doing some things that were kind of like art, and Ryan and I used to encourage him. I used to have these long talks with him because he grew up in this art family and he met a lot of crazy people, but he was a little ignorant about stuff. He had all these weird, really amazing opportunities, like he met Robert Rauschenberg when he was 5, but maybe he didn’t know who Matthew Barney was. Me and him spent like a lot of time really late at night just talking about it.”  Awww!  Then they jacked each other off and fell asleep in a pool of their commingled spooge.  Read full story here.

On a related note, you can check out McGinley's latest show, "Irregular Regulars," featuring photos taken while following Morrissey and his legions of crazed stalkers/fans for two years at Team Gallery in Soho.  More info here.

DEBBIE AND KAREN | LADIES WHO ROCK!

-Dazed & Confused's recently launched (and impressive) website features a Q&A with legendary rock photog Mick Rock, with five outtakes from a photo shoot he did with Debbie Harry and Karen O.  The two lady rockers got on famously according to Rock, who is friends with both and says they "can both get down with the boys, they're both very beautiful and they both like a bit of a chuckle."  Shooting the pair was understandably Rock's dream job.  The discussion between Debbie and Karen can be found in Dazed & Confused's December issue, while the Q&A with the lensman can be read here.

NOT THE DEATH OF FASHION

As I thought it might, my Death of Fashion post pissed off some hard-core fashion lovers. While I’m not wholly taking it back, I concede that the post may have been too harsh and hasty.

While I realize the six designers absent from the shows this season are not representative of the fashion world as a whole (contrary to popular belief, I’m not that daft!) the fact that so many are currently “displaced,” my paranoid nature leads me to believe that it’s a precursor for worse things to come. And while I am still underwhelmed by many of the designers who show in NY - Kors, Herrera, de la Renta, Badgley Mishka, BCBG, von Furstenberg, Lauren… zzzzzzz - I am aware that I am not the uptown, society broad that these designers cater to. And while I like Proenza Schouler, Doo Ri, United Bamboo, Alexandre Herchcovitch, and others, they don’t exactly blow my pants off. But that’s just my humble opinion and it all boils down to personal preference, doesn’t it?

Upon having a closer look at the September Vogue, I found Sarah Mower’s, The Fight, an encouraging piece that perked up my dour outlook on the state of things. The article focuses on the “Comme des Garcons army,” as Rei Kawakubo describes the triple-threat of herself, Junya Wantanabe and Tao Kurihara. The article focuses on Kawakubo and the Comme team and briefly mentions friend and one of the house’s “closest independent allies,” Jun Takahashi of Undercover (perhaps for the opportunity to show Irving Penn’s photos of three of his “scary but beautiful” looks).

Mower suggests the Comme team’s collections for fall can be “read as an attack on complacency and conformism.” She describes Kawakubo’s collection, whose objective was “the persona: what we choose to show the world about ourselves, and what lies within,” as being amalgams of “traditional formal gentleman’s clothing and romantic feminine puffs, ruffles and corsetry.” Wantanabe’s show is described as “a head-on attack on political numbness, interpreting the militarism of our war-torn times…” Kurihara’s was a simple affair held at the CDG showroom based on a “conceptual hybrid” of “stoles and flowers.” The collections are amazing!

The “army” works independent of each other. Kawakubo has a hands-off approach and offers no guidance or feedback to her protégés. She does not intervene in details because she knows it’s “demotivating.” She doesn’t even see Wantanabe’s or Kurihara’s collections until the show rehearsals! To join the CDG team, a candidate has to pass a one-on-one interview with Kawakubo and “then sit in the office and make a white shirt, unaided, between the hours of 10:00 and 6:00” Talk about pressure!

It’s interesting to read how a genius works and nurtures her designers. I’m obviously a big fan of CDG, Wantanabe. Kurihara and Takahashi. Along with well-executed, beautifully designed clothing, these designers bring boldness, daring, artistry, intelligence and edginess to the fashion arena.