Whores

FACTORY GIRL PUBLICITY | SIENNA IS PANTLESS. REPEAT PANTLESS!

Oy!  Is there anything or anyone Sienna Miller won't do for a little publicity?  Seriously! First there were the rumors that she and proud, new papa, Diddy are "just friends" who happen to party together until 9am!  Then come the rumors that the sex scene between her and former boy-toy, revenge fuck, Hayden Christensen, on the set of Factory Girl is "unsimulated".  Then the bitch goes to the movie premiere's after-party wearing a cropped black sweater over black, control-top pantyhose (right)!  WTF?!?!

They interviewed her on the red carpet during the Factory Girl premiere last night on Access Hollywood.  Miller proudly stated that she doesn't use a stylist.  She does it ALL HERSELF.  Yeah, that's impressive!  She said there was a huge pile of clothes on her bed from which she chose her outfit for the evening.  Surely there must have been at least one pair of Pepe jeans in that pile!  Hello?!

Clicke here and here for pics from the premiere (for the record, Mena Suvari looks like shite as well) and here for pics from the afterparty.

A'ITE, STILL | LILY ALLEN

Much hyped, twenty-one-year-old, rapping, Myspace sensation, Lily Allen's, debut album, Alright, Still, is released in the US today.  Will the posh, outspoken, faux-chavette become a huge star in American as she is in her native UK? 

Already the recipient of a whole lotta blog-love, Allen sold out her first US show at the Hiro Ballroom in NYC instantly back in October, but will she be able to endear herself to Gwen Stefani and Fugly Fergie fans and break into the mainstream?  While her songs are wickedly catchy and upbeat, her frank, sharp, cheeky, and acerbic lyrics may make her inaccessible to audiences who like their lyrics dumbed-down, bland and b-a-n-a-n-a-s.  Not to say that Allen comes off like a member of MENSA, but her lyrics may be too cutting for all the bubblegum poppers and too feminine and feminist for fans of gangsta rap.

In lead single Smile, Allen basks in schadenfreuden watching her cheating ex-boyfriend "cry".  The video for the song is hillarious, showing Allen paying thugs to beat up the ex and ransack his flat while she distracts him and sneaks laxatives into his coffee.  Come on, ladies.  Fess up!  You know you've fantasized about doing the exact same things to an ex at least once in your life!

Knock 'Em Out hysterically illustrates the scene in a bar or a nightclub where women are anxiously trying to avoid "nasty," last-call hook-ups and desperately come up with ridiculous and outrageous "escape" lines like:  "No, you can't have my number, because I've lost my phone,"  "Oh yeah, actually I'm pregnant.  Having a baby in like six months.  So, yeah, yeah..."  "I've gotta go cos my house is on fire," and  "I've got herpes."  Lines many ladies have thought of using, but never did because of lack of balls.

LDN (text message shortcut for "London") is a perfect, summerday, cruising song.  Allen happily rides her bike around the city, taking in the sites.  If you look closely, the sites include a pimp and his crackwhore and a kid mugging an old lady.

Not Big pretty much says it all in its title.  Allen confronts a bad boyfriend with, "Yeah, you must really think you're great.  Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks, when I work my way through your mates."  She then takes it there with, "Yeah, let's rewind.  Let's turn back time to when you couldn't get it up.  You know what?  It should have ended there.  That's when I should have shown you the door.  If that weren't enough to deal with, you became premature."

Friday Night is a cautionary tale to bitchy girls at clubs to not mess with Miss Allen.  She warns, "Looked me up and down.  I don't make a sound.  There's a lesson that I want you to learn.  If you're gonna play with fire then you're gonna get burned."  Alfie is another warning to Allen's younger, stoner brother to get his shit together.

With all the hype surrounding her this past year, I really didn't want to like Lily Allen, but it's hard not to like her fun, bubblegum rap/hip-hop/pop, witty and irreverent lyrics, jabs at celebs, and cute pouffy, party dresses.  Check her out on SNL this weekend, and if you can stomach it, at MTV's Discover and Download Tour.  Click here for her website.

HOLY COUTURE! | ARMANI PRIVE & JEAN PAUL GAULTIER

-Six hundred people packed into Giorgio Armani's couture show yesterday, including Mrs. Nutso, Katie Holmes and Cate Blanchett, eyeballing her Oscar options.  The designer did not disappoint the crowd, sending out over 60 looks.  The severe, collarless jackets, with what looked like a dagger handle jutting out from their right shoulders, were a dramatic start to the show which included boxy tunics paired with silver leggings and many pretty, one-shoulder, above-the-knee dresses.  Armani worked primarily with his usual neutral palette with a few grey and black pieces mixed in.  The typically subdued and minimal designer definitely kicked up the glam quotient a few notches for Spring 2007, and the results are definitely multo buon!  See pics here.

-Only Jean Paul Gaultier would send the former Mrs. God of Fuck, Dita Von Teese, (and all his models) down his catwalk donning a halo.  His collection was filled with religious references, from religious-attire shapes and accents to iconic artwork prints (see bleeding heart dress above).  The show featured one eyecatching frock after another, all with a hint of exoticism that makes them so distinctly JPG.  Click here for photos.

COCO COUTURE | CHANEL, GIVENCHY, LACROIX, SAAB & VALENTINO

The Spring 2007 Couture shows continue on.  Designers are undoubtedly hoping to catch the eyes of glamorous, 'rexi starlets who will don their gowns on the red carpet.  Here's a rundown of what's been shown.

-Karl Lagerfeld's big collection for Chanel was somewhat lackluster.  While many of the sixties-inspired coat-dresses paired with black tights (and his trademark fingerless gloves) were awfully cute, the eveningwear he presented was kind of matronly and dowdy.   And the meshy eyemasks were complete rip-offs of the one Kirsten Dunst wore during Marie Antoinette's masquerade party.  See pics here.

-Call Givenchy's Riccardo Tisci the Mad-hatter.  Boyfriend sent some crazy, oversized headgear out with his couture collection.  While Tisci clearly still got the goth in him, showing several dark gowns (some looking a bit too much like Vampyra), ironically three of his best pieces from the show were in bright, canary yellow (one is pictured above) and unfortunately buried in the middle of the lineup.  I really would like to see Tisci (the youngest couture designer currently) succeed in this crazy couture bizness.  Methinks he could if only he would lighten up a little.  See collection here.

-Call Christian Lacroix a mad genius.  He sent out a number of cartoonishly bright numbers embellished with wild flower prints and ruffles and puffs galore.  These looks would look garish in the hands of anybody else, but Lacroix has a special way of making them work.  Two of his solid evening dresses, one in smoky blue and the other in yellow, would be stunning choices for the red carpet.  Click here for pics.

--Speaking of the red carpet, Elie Saab sent out an entire collection of safe, red carpet-ready looks, perfect for less daring starlets.  The collection was primarily in pale shades with lots of lace and sparkly accents.  See here.

-Rumor has it that Valentino may be announcing his retirement in July.  Is it due to a lack of inspiration?  His couture collection featured numerous white, innocent, baby-doll dresses, made more baby-dollish by the models' heavy bangs and big buns sitting politely atop their heads.  While the collection was sweet, it lacked any showstoppers.  Pics here.

COUNTDOWN TO FASHION WEEK | 21 QUESTIONS

-In preparation for NY Fall 2007 Fashion Week, New York Magazine asked 10 New York fashion-types (well, 11 if you separate Proenza from Schouler) 21 New York-centric questions.  The questionees include designers Anna Sui, Benhaz Sarafpour, Narciso Rodriguez, Peter Som, Phillip Lim, Proenza Schouler; models Gemma Ward, Jessica Stam, Karolina Kurkova; and makeup artist Pat McGrath. 

From the answers we learn that Jessica Stam, Anna Sui and Pat McGrath all want Oprah to be our next president, while Karolina Kurkova would like to see Angelina Jolie in the Oval Office.  When asked to describe what they do all day at work, Kurkova replies "create fantasy," while Stam haughtily declares, "make clothes look good."  Jack McCollough, one half of the Proenza Schouler team states, "answer silly questions."  As silly as "21 Questions" for New York Mag, Jack?  Click here for all the questions and answers.

-The Toronto Star has an enlightening article with Geordon Nicol (above, far right), one-third of the ubiquitous deejay trio The MisShapes.  Nicol, who is from Mississauga, Canada, eh, is a drama school drop-out.  He moved to New York six years ago at the tender age of seventeen, after breaking up with his first boyfriend.  He survived temporarily on royalties he saved up from child modelling and acting (Goosebumps and Degrassi are on his c.v., don'tcha know!)  He met fellow MisShapes, Leigh Lezark and Greg Krelenstein, at Don Hill's and blah, blah, blah... now their messy, sweaty, weekly party is "the Studio 54 for the high-speed internet generation."  Gag!

Some choice quotes (shall we call them Nicolisms?) from the article include:

-"If I had grandma hair, I'd wear a wig, too," he says in reference to Debbie Harry's surprise appearance one Saturday night in a red wig.

-"I'm having a Big Mac Attack."  Uh... yeah.

-"The great thing is that even if you're ugly, you'll look cool in our photos," he says regarding the thousands of photos taken of revelers at their parties and posted on their website each week.

-"I only wear clothes from Opening Ceremony."  I never realized Opening Ceremony carried leotards!

-"I'm not going to sit and pose with Benjamin Liu," he "snaps into his cellphone."  Liu who was once Andy Warhol's studio assistant and is still a heavy-hitter in the art and fashion worlds.

-"We think more about who is Alvin and the Chipmunks over who is Warhol,"  he muses while "The MisShapes unanimously agree Nicol is Alvin."  Now let's try imaging Alvin the Chipmunk sporting the bowlcut and shredded leotard...  Full article here.

COUTURE | J'ADORE DIOR, FOR SURE!

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!!! John Galliano got the couture shows off to an explosive start with a gorgeous, glamorous, and of course dramatic collection for Christian Dior.  Galliano showed 45 spectacular looks which were inspired by a recent trip he took to Japan and Madame Butterfly's Cio-Cio San.  He pulled all the punches from obis, kimonos, and Asian-inspired prints, to kabuki-style makeup and shellacked geisha-like hairstyles on the models adorned with mini Japanese lanterns, flowers and folding fans.  The most breathtaking reference to Japanese culture came from his inspiration by origami, and the intricate, complicated and almost magical folds of the fabrics.

In usual Galliano fashion, he took his bow dressed in vintage military attire (ie: Colonel Pinkerton?) while papier mache butterflies flurried down on to the audience.  This collection, in which John obviously got his groove back, reminds us why Galliano is such an important and exciting figure in fashion.  See pics from the show here and here.

2007 FALL THESE ANIMAL MENSWEAR | LEGGINGS FOR FELLAS?

Check out Men's Style.com for all the runway action for the Fall 2007 Menswear shows.  Perhaps the oddest among the new trends on the horizon is the one fave labels Marni and Prada seem to be trying to set of leggings for men.  Uh, memo to Consuelo and Miu Miu:  Some peeps don't even like leggings on the gals, what makes you think they're going to fly with the guys?

Some show highlights include:

-Alexander McQueen with his models sporting Ken Doll hair and superhero/futuristic suits, jackets and jumpsuits.

-Burberry Prorsum and Christopher Bailey's awesome military-inspired pieces in shades of grey, blue and olive.

-Costume National and Ennio Capasa's winter whites, chic grey suits, iridescent grey parkas and jackets, and use of cummerbunds sans tuxedos.

-J. Lindeberg and his uncharacteristic use of baggy pants!  This was a great collection of long shirts peeking out from underneath baggy jackets and/or sweaters, and scarves wrapped bulkily around necks.  As designer Johan Lindeberg perfectly described the line, it was a mix of "a French artist and Manchester in the eighties."

-Jil Sander's Raf Simons showed a nothing-new collection of razor-sharp cut classics, mainly in black.

-Marni's debut menswear line was one of the best of the season!  The looks Consuelo Castiglioni showed for her Marni man would make for the perfect accompaniment to her Marni lady.  Short, straight-leg pants, boxy jackets, and quirky splashes of color and pattern.  I particulary love the simple but stand-out cardigan pictured above.  I particulary don't love the cashmere leggings she showed.

-Miu Miu only showed twelve looks which included short pants, shrunken jackets and boxing boots that every hipster, fashion dood is going to be killing for when the footwear hits stores.

-Prada showed a collection "somewhere between a caveman and a baby-boy doll," as Miuccia herself described.  The line included strange though snuggle-worthy, Muppet-like sweaters and coats, punk-inspired bright, angora sweaters with matching leggings, and as if the leggings weren't enough, Miu Miu is trying to push stirrup-pants for men!  Well, I guess if anybody can get the boys in stirrups, it's gotta be Prada!

GOLDEN GLOBES AFTERPARTIES | CELEBS BEHAVING BADLY

According to today's Rush & Molloy (scroll down), the InStyle Golden Globes afterparty was full of drama.  It just goes to show you can dress them up and take them out, but celebrity douchebags will still act... well, douchey.

-First up, P. Diddy got slutty Sienna Miller's cell number (and probably a variety of new STDs in the process) and then made plans to meet up with her later at the CAA after-party.  However, when Didds got to the party, security turned him away.  "Do you know who I am?" the Puffster demanded.  The woman with the clipboard responded: "I know exactly who you are, and you're not invited."  Oh, no she di-n't!!!  Give the lady a high-five, a raise, AND a promotion!

-En route to the awards show, Hilary Skank's limo was stopped by security because it didn't have a parking pass, forcing horsey to jump into another car to get to the ceremony.  You'd think her date could have just saddled up ol' horseface and giddied her ass up to the awards.  Anyway, as the car pulled away, Skank flipped the security guard the bird.  Ah, you can take the skank out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the skank...

-Newly broken-up Drew Barrymore was seen at Prince's after-party at the Beverly Wilshire making out with Bruce Willis.  Gag!  This is definitely not an upgrade from Fab Stroke...

-And for Drew's bff, Cameron Diaz, her pathetic stalking apparently paid off.  It scored her a nice, if awkward, fifteen-minute chat with recent ex, Justin Timberlake at the InStyle party.  Hmmm, this must have been before she got all up in Jessica Biel's face for chatting up Sexyback at the Universal party...  Page Six has the story here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATE | MOSS CELEBRATES 33RD B-DAY

Awww... look at the happy birthday girl!  She simply looks thrilled on her big day.  Kate Moss celebrated her big 3-3 yesterday with 12 hours of somewhat tame (definitely by her standards) activities.  The day started off in her Primrose Hill home where she and crack-lover, Pete Doherty, "received presents including flowers and a bottle of 1999 Dom Perignon."  The pair later met up at hotspot, Scott's oyster bar in Mayfair, for dinner.  Post meal, the duo went to Soho to see friend, Rhys Ifans perform in a production of Don Juan.  After the performance, the couple went to a friend's house for a quick costume change (consisting of a long, cream dress and awful wooly mammoth coat for La Moss, right) and then went off to the Dorchester for cocktails with friends including Sadie Frost and Paul Simonon.

Pete left the festivities around midnight but was there to greet the lucky birthday girl, with present in hand, when she returned home at about 4am.  Hmmm, what'd he get her?  A new crackpipe?  They then presumably went in, had lackluster crackhead sex and passed out before Doherty had to report to court (again!) the following morning.  Read more and see pics here.

GOLDEN GLOBES | YEAR OF THE FUG

Last night's Golden Globes broadcast was such a bore!  Thank god for Sacha Baren Cohen's acceptance speech!  Tom Shanks and Warren Crypt-keeper Beatty could learn a thing or two from Bruno...

The fashion more-or-less followed the Klonopin-induced proceedings.  No one blew my pants off with an overall fantastic look.  Are the ladies being lazy or are they saving up the goodz for the Oscars?  A bunch of the gals looked like they just grabbed a bedsheet and tied it on before leaving the house in the sea of drab, unflattering, DRAB white dresses.  Zzzzz...  I mean, seriously, Selma Hayek even looked bland in her white Galliano!  WTF?!

Reese Witherspoon looked adorable in a yellow, strapless Nina Ricci (from Olivier Theyskens' first collection for the house!) .  What better way to tell Ryan Phillippe: "Fuck you!  You two-timing, talentless, man-whore!" than in a fab, little Theyskens?  Also wowwing in colour was Renee Zellweger in an emerald, strapless vintage Dior.  Now if she would just stop making faces like she's sucking on a lemon all the time...

Two other recent dumpees, Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz, should have taken notes from Reese on dressing-for-revenge.  Drew looked like she just got out of a lengthy session at Hollywood Tan with her awful "bronzed' glow and unbecoming, towel-like Dior Haute Couture dress.  Cameron looked like she just got out of clown college with all the face paint and her "almost-good-but-actually-quite-hideous" ruffly, white, one-shouldered Valentino gown.

Lovely in black and Chanel Haute Couture were Penelope Cruz and (I can't believe I'm writing this) Hilary Swank.  Cruz donned a Spanish-influenced gown while the Skankster rocked a pin-up girl look.

Angelina Jolie looked pretty good, in a smokey, strapless number - considering it was St. John.  I definitely could have done without her matching wrap.  Wraps are so mother-of-the-bride - oh, right!  She was wearing St. John, afterall!

Helen Mirren (in Donna Karan Couture) and Meryl Streep both looked nice and age-appropriate.  They both found a nice balance without looking dowdy or "mutton trying to be lamb-like."  Also Jennifer Hudson (in black Vera Wang) and America Ferrera (in purple Brian Reyes) looked cute in their choices which suited their... uhhh, shall we say "womanly(?)" curves. 

Kate Blanchett, who is usually a "go-to" glamour girl on the red carpet, was sort of disappointing last night.  Her hair could have used some styling and her Alexander McQueen dress probably would have been fiercer sans train.  Her shoes were also kind of annoying.

Other stinkers - Sienna Miller (what a surprise!) in her stupid-ass Heidi-do and awful, gold embellished, white Marchesa gown.  Speaking of stinkers, and Marchesa, that oversized hanky Jennifer Hopez wore was pretty lame, even with the peek-a-boo action she had going on under her left arm.  Gag!  Emily Blunt's vintage Herve Leger was dull and way too TIGHT.  You could see the entire outline of her arse and gut.  Yeah, no thanks! 

Heidi Klum looked like a wedding cake topper in her white Givenchy gown and matching elbow-length gloves (?!), though one of the evening's worst looks goes to Babel's Rinko Kikuchi (above) who looked like a whole fucking wedding cake herself in a frothy, pom-pommed-to-death Chanel dress.

Oh, wait! I almost forgot about Beyonce with her gold Elie Saab disaster, weird boobage, and bad weave.  And speaking of bad weaves, did you get a load of Vanessa Williams?  Shit!  PETA should attack her for the fur jacket AND that rat's nest she's got on her head!  Maybe they should rename her show Ugly Nessa...  For pics go to Style.com, Fab Sugar, and People.com.